


Forget Me Not

by Rukyo



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Band Fic, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Slow Burn, angst for no reason
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2019-12-18 05:11:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18243029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rukyo/pseuds/Rukyo
Summary: You're happy, so you may as well forget me.





	1. Chapter 1

On a winter afternoon, sheltered by a familiar recording studio Ruki sits on cold plastic chair, his finely manicured nails lightly scraping at the edge of his seat like a mantra. An unlit cigarette sits loosely perched between his lips. Combine that with the brunette curtain of his fringe, and it makes his features almost unreadable.  
Absentmindedly, he glances up and watches his bandmates Aoi and Uruha pack up their guitars. He's been sitting quietly since their practice began. Glancing back down to his lap he grimaces at the small stack of paper filled with nothing but the scratched out mess of lyrics he's written over the past hour.

Dissapointed; he takes his cigarette out of his mouth and pats down the pockets of his tight jeans for a lighter. Irritated by his empty pockets, he glances up at the clock and realizes it has indeed been an hour of unproductiveness on his part.

It's not very uncommon for this to happen to him when he tries to force himself to write something, anything for a new song. It's November and the season of touring has long passed, so it's time they start buckling down to start a new album. He hates to force himself.  
Honestly it's easy to get discouraged from the start when he comes up blank. It's not that he's uninspired it's just that he's having trouble focusing.  
His lack of focus at least hasn't spread to his bandmates, who seem to be easily preoccupied. He can't really blame them for it, he figures, it's easy for the other four to slip on their headphones and leave the room silent while playing for their ears only, leaving Ruki to himself.

Now that their allotted hour has passed the quartets chatter fills the room and Ruki can't help but feel a little ignored. It's a fact that he usually distances himself on his own, but their voices unsettle him even more. Aoi, Uruha, and Kai are to his left huddled around the small space heater where he glimpses over silently; hoping to catch their eye. Ruki knows It's a childlike gesture, but he just wants this feeling to pass. The two guitarist were being the loudest, so he decides to watch as Uruha teases Aoi's lips with his fingers. Aoi had just gained a new piercing, and so far Uruha has been insistent on being harsh with it. He notices Kai watching as well and how his face lights up in amusement over their banter.  
He looks away from the three of them blankly.  
If he's being honest the one person he wanted to pay attention to him the most; is the most ready to leave, already by the door, and away from the other three is Reita. With one hand occupied by keeping his phone to his ear he struggles to put his other arm into the sleeve of his heavy jacket making him dance in a small circle in an attempt to ease his struggle.

A particularly harsh flick at the chair with his forefinger urges Ruki to snap out of his entire state.

Instead of waiting for anything else he goes over to Reita who's stopped his fidgeting; opting to just finish his conversation. With his back to him Reita only feels Ruki lift up his jacket enough for him to slip his other arm in. Turning slightly to look at him, Reita lets out a small smile. Ruki assumes it's from the blondes embarrassment to the fact he was being watched. Stepping back, Ruki watches Reita continue to prepare himself for the chilly weather awaiting him outside, and is unable to help but hear the contents of Reita's conversation despite his switch to a quieter tone.

Practice is over, now.."

"I'll be there soon."

Don't worry it's only getting colder it hasn't started to snow."

Ruki already knows who he's speaking to and at the thought of them he festers, his impatience ineffable, he wants someone to break his hour of silence because the longer it goes on the more it feels like a punishment. He lets out what he thought to be silent huff to himself, but it doesn't go unheard. Sensing something amiss with the lithe brunette behind him Reita turns to look at him fully with a raised eyebrow. He decides to cut his conversation short with an "I love you" and a swipe of the end call on his phone. He sends out an embarrassed "Hey" in Ruki's direction and the brunette fights the smile creeping up on his full lips relishing in finally gaining his attention.  
He fears that smile would be misinterpreted, that wants would seep through, so instead of breaking his silence with something nice he quips,  
"I'm nice enough to hang up your jacket and even put it on for you, but I don't like being rushed. I know practice is over but what are you in such a hurry for? I'm the one taking you home you should be moving at _my_ pace."

It comes out more condescending than Ruki had intended, and he flinches at the sound of it. Reita doesn't mind. Especially not now he's glad to hear the brunettes voice however it comes out since Ruki's silence, and his fidigity behavior throughout the session didn't go as unnoticed as he would think. The blonde bassist figured Ruki was feeling uneasy somehow, so he's relieved to see that he's finally releasing some of that tension that seemed to cloud him over and clasp his mouth shut.

"My bad?" the blonde replied.

"I just wanted to get home before it started to snow, but the last thing I would do is rush _you_ of all people. I'd like to get home unscathed."

The small vocalist truly can't help but let his face crack into a smile. There's no doubt he would've been better off not mulling over lyrics or practice in silence for all that time he's just barely started to speak to his bassist and he already feels the vestiges of that silent corner ease away. He wouldn't forget that he had offered to play chauffeur to the blonde today due to the fact that he'd lacked transportation. Well, that's not exactly true Reita did proudly sport a motorcycle of his own, a vintage black Harley he was way too fond of. Ruki was fond of it too he mused, but the colder weather and lack of car left the blonde without a convenient way to get around. Sure, the trains were there, but Ruki jumped on the chance to offer to take him home if nothing else.

"Don't worry you'll get home at the very least" Ruki lightly teased.

While putting on his gloves Reita let out a huff of a laugh and said, "I can't have you fucking me up I have appearances to keep up."  
At that comment Ruki's eyes glint at something more playful, but that dissipates quickly into a light blush at Reita suddenly grabbing his hand.

"This is what I'm usually most afraid of," says the blonde as he inspects the nails further.

Ruki's claws are nothing to fear, depending on who you ask, regardless of their longer length as opposed to Reita's stubbier nails. Reita takes another second to admire them noting to the vocalist that he finds the color nice. The color is somewhat of a staple for the vocalist these days; a mixture of black on one hand and an elaborate black granite design on the other. Ruki snatches his hand away at a speed that he hopes upholds a playful nature, and in trying to uphold it even more he replies,

"You should be." with an impish purr.  
The bassist has to clear his throat before he gives a reply to the brunette, "Noo, you wouldn't want to mess up the new paint."

 

**_'_ ** **_Embarrassed?'_ **

 

Tilting his head with a sly grin the blonde continues, "I'm surprised you didn't ask me to take a picture this time."

Before Ruki can get in another word Uruha leans next to them putting his presence in the conversation to state the obvious, "Going home? If so, you're really blocking the way just taking your time"

Aoi enters in as well cuddling next to the honey blonde placing a kiss to his cheek, and to the small bit of uncovered skin of his neck unhidden by his scarf.

Aoi is donned in his own winter attire with both of their guitar cases in hand. The blonde and brunette duo eye them both; a glaring lack of space left between them. Their state gives Ruki notice that this must of been what came of their earlier teasing; a strong desire to be alone. Reita speaks up sharing Ruki's thoughts and tells them, "Excuse us then, at least you asked before mowing over us with sexual tension."

The guitarists ignore his comment for the most part spare Aoi stating that he could say the same to Reita.

"Save it for the wife." He says with a smile, ushering his honey blonde lover out the door.

Kai leaves quieter than the other two unwilling to entertain the consistent blockage of the exit he keeps his goodbye simple; stating that he hopes all of them get home safely, and be careful of the weather.

"We should go."

Nodding in agreement Reita finishes dressing, and adorns his winter ensemble with a red scarf.

Ruki is dressed in a flash with only a thin black jacket to cover his lithe frame, and it's eyebrow raising for the blonde bassist to say the least, but he decides to swallow it. The walk to Ruki's car is a quiet one, both of them choosing to stay silent against the chill of snow on the horizon leaving only the white puffs of their breath to caress their faces. In this silence; Reita dances with the thought of asking Ruki about his day. He knows its not unusual for the vocalist to keep to himself, but he can't shake the feeling that today seems especially damning.

However, in this moment, it feels awkward and he's unsure how to break the ice.

He decides to stare at Ruki instead.

The sight of his makeup-less face isn't strange to him as it may be to others, he welcomes it in fact. It's in quiet moments like this that he really is in something akin to awe of the vocalist. He watches his hazel eyes come to life with the natural light, and wishes the lights in the studio would do them the same justice. As his cheeks and ears steadily get redder from the cold Reita ,for no particular reason, reaches out to touch Ruki's cheek.

He's dodged.

Reita is sure it's unintentional, but the brunette almost too swiftly goes toward the drivers side of his car.

Reita knows it well, Ruki's old Toyota, It had been awhile since he took a ride in it or was even this close to it, but seeing it now he's proud of Ruki for keeping it in such good condition. He can't help the slight wave of fondness that washes over him due to the fact they spent many cramped nights sleeping inside of it after first coming to Tokyo having left everything else behind. As they climb into the car the silence seemed to be downright dragging at this point and so, the blonde speaks up.

"Hey." he starts slowly, "Is everything ok today?"

The statement makes the brunette's body stiffen. One of his hands is in tight grip on the steering wheel, while the other fails to turn the key in the ignition. He nods his head slowly as a response, and avoids turning to face Reita as he says, "Of course...Just, you know how it is...How writing can go for me sometimes."

Ruki's response had come out almost a little too stilted for the blondes liking, but he didn't want to push too much because he did know how writing could go for the vocalist. His behavior wasn't too strange, and at the same time he couldn't just admit that he had been watching Ruki to his face, there's no mentionable reason he should be, but his knowledge of the younger man is what made him susceptible to worry. So, Reita starts out slowly again.

"I know, just I was watching you, and I'm a little bothered since you're so quiet."

This conversation isn't going well Reita muses to himself. His tongue is loose and clumsy, and he can see Ruki's face getting redder by the second his cheeks the deepest shade of red. The car is cold, and it's starting to get to the blonde too despite his layers.

He takes the initiative and cups Ruki's hand turning it along with his in order to start the car. If Reita can feel Ruki's hand tense beneath his he, of course, doesn't mention it. It takes all of Ruki's willpower to not flinch his hand away, but at the same time to not give in to the touch; to give in to all he wanted for the past hour, Reita's attention. The warmth on his hand is more than comforting, but the brunette slides it from underneath the bassist grip, taking the time to speak as evenly as possible,

"My words are valuable I shouldn't waste them when it's unnecessary," the vocalist waves him off in dismissal.

To that Reita lets a loose smile go.

"Oh, you're right about that, but I just thought I'd mention it I can't seem to focus when I don't have you to ignore."

Ruki is aflutter with another smile.

With the engine bringing life to the car the brunette begins to pull out of the parking lot on to the winter-scaped street. Ruki's head is still reeling from Reita's touch and he can't bring himself to speak up. A small wave of guilt washes over him, and he takes to biting his full lower lip, chapped from the cold. If he where to bite harder and it could bleed, but he has too as if it would hold the dam together. With rouge fingertips he turns the volume dial on the radio up hoping that its soft hum is enough to fill the silence. Why is he chastising himself so much today? He didn't want to be this way around the blonde, but his neediness is his downfall today. Fact is; he shouldn't be acting this way, but really Reita shouldn't either. All of this isn't new behavior coming from the bassist, but nonetheless...Ruki wants attention, but he doesn't want to feel like this. A hum coming from the back of Reita's throat pulls a "Hmm?" out of Ruki wondering what he has to say, desperate for words.

"Who is this?" It sounds kinda familiar." The blonde voices.

"Dir en Grey, how could you only kind of recognize them?"

Reita shifts in his seat as if the question caught him off guard. Using the back of his hand he wipes his window clear of the smog from the heat of their breath watching everything whisk by in a haze, and responds to the brunette with a shrug.

"I don't make a habit of listening to other vocalist."

"Diru is more than Kyo you know," insists Ruki with a roll of his eyes.

"I said what I said." The blonde throws back at him with too much of a glint to his voice, and it makes Ruki raise his hand to him.

 

**_'Please stop.'_ **

**_'_ ** **_It's awkward.'_ **

 

"It's been so long since I rode with you did we always have so much shit in here?"

In the silence the bassist had taken the time to look around Ruki's car. The two of them had lived in here for a time so long ago, but despite how long it's been Reita remembers some of the stains left behind. Ranging from; un-removed make up, to the kiss he left of the drivers side window with black lipstick, and he smiles. Some things are new however, they're things he doesn't recognize. For instance; the clothes scattered around the backseat, chiffon tops, stockings, heeled boots, leather pants, and the tears in the fabric of the seats. The most eye catching of all is the dashboard in front of him, and it's unrecognizable by the burns of butted out cigarettes.

 

 _'_ _Since when did Ruki start doing that?'_

 

 _'_ _Who does he wear those clothes for?'_

 

That's none of his business.

 

Lost in his reverie Reita had almost missed Ruki's response to his question, "Of course we did, if anything it was worse"

 

"Worse" the blonde chuckles. "And I suppose that's all my fault?"

 

"Of course" Ruki replies with a smirk, and a tap to the kiss permanently stained on his window.

 

The sound of the tap is what turns the bassists head towards the vocalist again. Yes, the ice is slow to melt today, and Reita finds himself chastising himself for that, but it's fine because the fondness with Ruki is warm.

Ruki himself however, is not and the bassist can see that clearly. The brunettes nose is terribly red and his hands, no doubt, on the verge of frostbite. What has the bassist rushing for the heater dial is the muffled sound of Ruki trying to halt his chattering teeth, along with the tremble that encases his small frame. As he turns the dial Reita's face deflates, and his brows furrow because no matter what button he presses or whichever way he turns the dial nothing comes out no air, no heat only disappointment.

"It doesn't work if that wasn't obvious. I'm not worried about your well being either way, but I wouldn't make myself suffer if I had the option"

 

Reita is unamused despite Ruki's playful tone.

 

"What do you mean it doesn't work?" He tries it again for good measure turning the dial for the heat with enough pressure it's close to coming undone.

 

"I'm not sure what's hard to understand about that Rei" the brunette snorts swatting his hand away from the dial.

 

"Have you been driving around like this the whole time?" If the vocalist can sense the irritation in the bassist voice he doesn't pay it any mind with a shrug of his shoulders he says,

 "Yeah?"

 The bassist lets out an exasperated sigh.

 It doesn't go unnoticed.

 

"You get cold _so_ easily. I mean, look at you now you're practically frozen."

**_'_   _Is he raising his voice?'_**

 

The bassist shifts in his seat again moving away from the offending dashboard.

 

"You should've said something If you were going on like this," displeasure leaking through the bassists tone.

 

A grimace starts to grace the brunettes features. It's an honest and valid concern the bassist has. It's not an attack directed at him Reita could just be cold in the car he offered to take him home in. So, does that make the dysfunction of his car rude? Perhaps. Despite that rationality the vocalist can't find a valid answer as to why he feels so attacked.  
Exposed as if he were on display. A dysfunctional mess that was only making Reita irritated, and upset. 

 

Things were so light a few moments ago.

 

"I manage just fine, I don't drive far."

 

Ruki just wants this conversation to be over he's too sensitive today, so too many things aren't going his way.

 

That has to be the reason that silence wins.


	2. Chapter 2

Silence won.

  
The drive was longer because of it.

  
As Ruki took the final turn into Reita's neighborhood he continued to chew at his lower lip, abusing it further.

Mulling over what should he say, he wracked his brain for anything that would absolve this tense air.

Is Reita even mad?

He shouldn't be, Ruki mused.

  
Either way, Ruki didn't want to be what left a sour taste in Reita's mouth until tomorrow. It wasn't because he wanted his bassist to enjoy the night with his wife, but to insure that Reita would greet him with a smile the next day as always.

Reita was upset yes, but not as severely as the brunette was thinking.

He was worried about Ruki.

  
This simple car ride left the bassist with too many questions, and they all had to do with what Ruki wasn't telling him. He has no answers for the reason Ruki wears the clothes in his backseat, or for his damaged car. Ruki talked about everything with him, he didn't shy away from Reita about his troubles because they had known one another for so long. Reita took pride in the fact that Ruki trusted him that much.

Due to that pride, he didn't want to blow this out of proportion more than he already had.

Reita wasn't a stranger to outbursts.

Because of that; the bassist willed for nothing but self control, and spoke softly to Ruki,

"I'm sorry. I just thought you would tell me about this, so why didn't you?"

He noticed the quivering brunette biting at his lip; anxious.

Tangling a hand into Ruki's hair at the base of his neck, Reita called his name softly again in an attempt to soothe that anxiety away.  
It was a "friendly" gesture the vocalist was familiar with; one that usually calmed him, and it was no different today.

"Don't do that I'm not mad, but of all the things you like to complain about _this_ could've been one of them." Reita lets out,what he hopes, is a lighthearted chuckle. 

"I don't complain that much!" The brunette pouts.

"Yeah, you really do, but I don't mind your bitterness keeps me on my toes."

The bassist ruffles the back of Ruki's hair as if to shake away the cold and anxious air.

Even though he left it un-styled, completely free of gel and hairspray, Ruki takes the time to smooth his hair back into place, untangling Reita's hand without trying to touch him too much.

"On your toes? For what exactly? A chance to use your _blinding_ positivity?

A crack of a smile has worked its way though Ruki's plush, pursed lips; silence fading.

"I wouldn't call it blinding, but if I don't try who will stop your little black rain cloud from getting everyone wet?"

"My little black cloud is adorable don't make fun of it." A fuller pout on the brunettes soft features.

"True, but let's just say I'm on my toes because I like to watch your eyes roll because of me. Even if you're just that annoyed with me it's a sight to see."

"Don't be suggestive like that, it doesn't suit you."

Ruki's cheeks are too red from the cold for a heated blush to be noticeable on his face, but it was there, surely.

Annoyance isn't what he wants from Reita to make his eyes roll back like that.

Ruki could swear his thoughts and embarrassment were tangible, and would do anything to make it unnoticeable. All he could think to do was ruffle his hair harsher than Reita had done before, and in turn Reita smoothed it back into place for him. 

Ruki's crippling embarrassment aside; their moods had finally shifted. 

Reita is relieved, and feeling successful at filling the car with a version of the man he wanted to see the entire day. He wanted a talkative, and comfortable Ruki, his best friend.

Working on their music can be hard, so Reita wants to be able to approach his vocalist freely even if he says he wants to be alone he wants to be that person who can always break through.

Ruki had to calm down.

If Reita were to confront him about how long he was taking to drive down the street from that final turn he couldn't deny he was intentionally driving well under the speed limit, even for a neighborhood. Sadly, he couldn't creep down the street any longer Reita was almost home, and this had to end so it was only fair Ruki kept up with the effort Reita was putting in.

Since the bassist wasn't as angry as Ruki previously believed, he allowed himself some relief.

Still, he decided to choose his words carefully as he explained himself,

"I'm sorry too I would've told you..It just wasn't important. I mean, I'm not trying to be cool or...whatever I didn't want you to worry about it. I really don't drive far."

Reita tried to rationalize Ruki's words, and let understanding paint over his darker thoughts. It was definitely easier to digest that Ruki didn't want him to worry. An apology on Ruki's end wasn't exactly what Reita needed though. He craved answers to his questions, but he knows Ruki is stubborn, and hates fuss.

Even so, he wants to be told of Ruki's troubles no matter what.

Whenever he has thoughts like that, Reita completely fails to consider the most important reason why someone as close to him as Ruki, or even his other bandmates, wouldn't want to take up more of his time.

The reason was waiting for them.

Reita's home loomed in front of them filled to the brim with domestication. Their home was a glaring sign telling Ruki's improved mood to obey.

Stop immediately.

Ruki is unable to miss the sight of her peering out the window waiting for Reita's return no doubt.

As she opens the door and steps out into the driveway even standing still she seems personify elegance, wrapped in white from head to toe in her own winter attire.  
A slight wave of confusion passes over her features since, unlike her husband, shes not the most familiar with Ruki's car.

As it pulls in to park along the street; she catches Ruki's eye and gives a slight wave to him that he tensely returns.

Unreasonably annoyed by the small exchange he pulls the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, and places a cigarette between his lips. He's well aware he has no lighter to light it, but he'll do anything to pretend he's not seeing how this woman flamboyantly blows kisses to his bassist.

_**'How embarrassing'** _

Ruki wouldn't tell Reita that though, it'd seem too petty.

Although, it seemed Reita mirrored his thoughts responding to his wife with a half smile, and a small wave.

His seat belt was undone. By all means Reita was free enough to leave the car, but his hand sat on the door handle limply. His expression was blank and fixed ahead of him.

"Would you maybe.. want to come in?" he asks.

**_'Absolutely, if she wasn't there.'_ **

How Ruki managed to reply with an even voice is a surprise to himself.

"Thanks, but I should probably go 'third wheel' isn't exactly something I'd wear with pride."

Reita's eyes darted between Ruki, and his waiting wife, waving both hands in the air. As if to dispel Ruki's words he insists,  
" _No_ , not at all. Don't think that. We wouldn't mind I'm sure Eren would want to thank you for taking me."

_**'As if I believe that.'** _

Regardless of Reita's sincerity Ruki stands firm in his refusal, and without meeting Reita's gaze he says, "Your thanks is enough."

With downcast eyes he turns his head away from Reita.

Silently, he hopes those words settle as enough to end this conversation, and prompt Reita to get out the car.

It wasn't enough.

Ruki could sense him lingering.

He hesitantly turned his head back toward Reita; voicing a silent question.

Reita doesn't offer an explanation as he takes off his gloves, placing them firmly on top of Ruki's thigh. He unties his scarf as well and makes an effort to wrap it around Ruki's neck even though the passenger seat puts him in an awkward position, and the cigarette dangling between the brunettes lips creates and extra obstacle.

Reita's unsatisfied with the way it falls into a loose circle, but he settles for it when Ruki's trembling hands move to adjust it tighter.

Ruki knows for a fact that Reita had only started wearing cologne after he got married, and he hates the ones _she_ chooses for him. Even so, he can't help but inhale as discretely as he can taking Reita in.

"You don't have to return them, in fact keep them in the car so you'll be warm."

Ruki huffs in surprise, any semblance of a sentence caught in his throat.

"What?" Reita asks, oblivious to the obvious.

**_'I guess it's a good thing you're so clueless'_ **

" _Nothing._ " Ruki says.

Tilting his head away from Reita to rest it against the window, against that stained kiss, he starts his next words slowly,

"If you really want to help me I could use a lighter."

"You're unbelievable."

With little hesitation, Reita reaches into his pocket pulling out a lighter of his own. Flicking the flame to life, he cups a hand over it as he moves in closer to Ruki to light the cigarette he left untouched for far too long.

Ruki didn't expect Reita to be able to accommodate him, so he hesitated to move away from the window to lean in closer to Reita. As if his hair was suddenly in the way, Ruki combs his fringe away from his forehead in an attempt to keep himself from looking uneasy and stiff with Reita so close to him.

The action does nothing but leave his soft features are in full view for a moment, and Reita steals a quick glance watching the small flame slightly illuminate the vocalist. Ruki purposefully allows the cigarette to be slow to catch fire, giving him time to think that if they were any closer it'd be almost intimate.

With that thought in mind, Ruki takes this opportunity to meet Reita's gaze head on for the first time today.

Reita is almost engulfed into that honey-eyed stare before a voice calls out his name.

It's muffled by the glass of the windows, seemingly far away, but unmistakable.

"Akira?"

His wife is calling out to him waiting in the cold for her husband to come inside.

"I should go." Reita mutters, and Ruki nods his head slowly in agreement.

Reita had opened the door to leave, but Ruki's voice stopped him midway.

"I thought you didn't smoke anymore."

The chill that ran through Ruki in that moment wasn't from the open door; it was from Reita's low chuckle, the sound of his voice as he said,

"I don't. It's for you mostly, but I won't give it to you, I'll feel bad if I feed your bad habit more. I wouldn't want you to lose your voice."

Ruki had enough.

He couldn't find his voice to tell Reita goodbye, and could only manage to wave him away.

He watched Reita go, and didn't miss how he huddled into himself to brace against the cold the sight urged him to cling to the scarf he was given.

Ruki took a small pleasure in Eren's impatience it was his reward for unfortunately catching the sight of her waiting for her husband with open arms, and a sickeningly wide smile.

Ruki couldn't tear his eyes away as he watched the married couple go up the steps to their home and share a kiss before disappearing inside.

The vibration of his phone in is back pocket is a welcome distraction to ease his breathing to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By coincidence this lands on Reita's Birthday! Happy Birthday to the most amazing bassist <3 '  
> The date also means that it's been awhile since I posted the first chapter haha. Truth is, technically the chapter was "finished" long ago they all are I just took so much time editing and trying to make it just how I wanted that it turned out to be this long xD. I REALLY hope someone is enjoying this somewhere I really want to make something I, and others, can find some joy and excitement out of reading about these angsty dorks that I love <3 please let me know what you think!~ and I hope you'll stay for the ride.


	3. Chapter 3

Unable to pull out from Reita's driveway, Ruki is struggling to breathe. His breath is rough against his throat. The ragged sound that comes with each inhale makes his ears itch.   
With his head down, he burrows into the folds of Reita's scarf.   
A sense of calm is longing to creep in, but the sharp breaths he takes won't get any softer.  
Ruki curses him.   
Clenching his eyes shut, 

_**'Why are you like this?'**_  
_______________

Cracking his knuckles, Ruki shakes out his hands before reaching into his pocket to take out his phone.   
Flinching at the brightness of the screen coming to life the familiar letters tell him all he needs to know, but he reads the text through anyway as if it would say something new, or surprise him.

   
"Kiyoharu" he mouths to himself 

  
_"Come over"_ the text reads.

Ruki doesn't type out a response.   
He leaves his phone to sit between his legs, giving his attention to Reita's gloves.   
Sliding them over his hands with a tender tug it's quickly clear that they wont fit his hands.   
He fidgets with the empty space above his finger tips, and once again he's sick with himself and his wandering thoughts. When his lips start to quiver... he has to shut it all down. Enough is enough for tonight.

_________________  
   
 Ruki didn't need to respond to Kiyoharu, they both knew he'd come.  
Slipping out of his jacket and pulling the gloves slowly off of his hands he lays them, along with Reita's scarf, gingerly in the glovebox and closes the door with a soft _click_. He doesn't care who sees, or how classless this may be. He's undressed so many times before he's beyond shame,

_**'Right?'** _

As he slips his thin sweater over his head and tosses it aside into the passenger seat he replaces it with a sheer dress shirt. The fabrics sequence detail bounces off the window as he buttons it closed and fixes the collar in the rearview mirror.   
Unashamed, he unceremoniously kicks off his sneakers, and leans his seat back as far as it can go as he pulls off his jeans, grimacing at how hard it is to pull it past his feet and then deeper, at how much effort it takes to pull the leather tights over his thighs.    
Unwavering, he reaches underneath his seat to pull out a small make up bag and opens an eyeshadow palette. With a stained black brush he sweeps and blends a shimmering black over his eyelids. Closing the pallette, he meets himself pensively in the mirror with a one track mind,

_**"He likes this."** _

So it doesn't matter how it looks.

_________________  
   
 Ruki's heels clack loudly against the pavement as he makes his way into the apartment building before him.   
He would thank them to be a little quieter as he rushes past the concierge into the elevator.   
As always, they catch one another's eyes, never saying a word as the concierge  lingers on the brunet, clinging to his afterimage, and Ruki can't bear to humor him. Not him.  
He doesn't have the energy for another curious man. 

The soft hum of the elevator is almost enough to lull Ruki to sleep. The walls are cool against his body, and provide little to no friction as he slumps against it.   
He prays no one would be up this late to join him.   
Watching the numbers climb slowly, he hopes to leave his thoughts beneath him.   
When the elevator reaches his stop, the final ding snaps his body into action.   
Smoothing out his shirt and straightening his walk Ruki's heels sound as his calling card. 

This hall is eerily silent. 

Maybe it's the evening settling in, or maybe his thoughts are racing to find him. They slink down the hall hoping to sneak up on him, hoping to break the silence by wailing about how he 'left them behind'. He feels a chill across his neck, like a hand hovering over his back. Before the touch can reach him, he puts his hands on his hips, lowers his head and kicks once at the door in front of him.   
The door opens without hesitation.   
Standing before him is an equally brunet man.   
Kiyoharu.   
Shirtless, and spread eagle in the doorway bearing over the smaller vocalist at his door his languid lips crept into a smile.   
He gives Ruki an approving nod as he takes his time to appreciate him from head to toe.   
Ruki speaks up,

   
"Is that supposed to be alluring?"

   
"It is. I'm desperate." 

  
"Obviously." 

  
Oblivious to Ruki's sneer, Kiyoharu drops to his knees and clutches Ruki's thighs dragging his lips across the leather in sloppy kisses.  
"Just let me in so we can close the door."   
His moment of authority is over. Kiyoharu's lead started as soon as his knees hit the floor. 

Ruki knows this. 

He urges Kiyoharu on with light tugs to his hair while the older man hungrily drags his teeth across the tight fabric of Ruki's pants and licks at his crotch.   
Kiyoharu peeks up to see Ruki's reaction while Ruki makes no effort to hide his distraction with the open door, so with a huff Kiyoharu stands up and pulls Ruki further in closing the door as he does. 

"There," Kiyoharu huffs out. 

"Now will you stop spoiling it?" 

Without another word Ruki unbuttons his shirt and lets it fall past his shoulders. 

"Good."   
____________________

The sound of skin against skin fills the room.   
As he's rocked closer and closer to the headboard Ruki wonders how thin the walls are.   
Kiyoharu is loud.   
Ruki isn't into it.   
It's just not right tonight.   
Smothered against Kiyoharu's chest the taste of sweat keeps him grounded and not nearly as mindless as he'd like to be. 

"Come on," Ruki breaths against his chest. Pushing Kiyoharu, he presses into the sheets to put space between them. 

Pulling one of Kiyoharu's hands off his waist, Ruki grazes it across his neck instead, hoping the suggestion is enough. He needs to at least have one thing for himself to forget this day if only for a moment.   
Almost getting the hint, Kiyoharu grasps Ruki's neck in a light hold, drawing a small moan from the younger brunet. Kiyoharu's features slowly sag into impatience, and like a brat he slows his pace.    
 

_**"Can't do two things at once?"** _

But he can't say that. 

Instead, 

"You're good...Keep going, harder." 

Pushing for some equality, Ruki grips Kiyoharu's wrist and forces him down a little harder despite the look of protest from the older brunet.   
Kiyoharu finally humors him once Ruki purrs his name.   
Maintaining a grip on the man underneath him, Kiyoharu pounds away without much of a thought.   
For awhile, Ruki doesn't mind finally sinking into it himself, the pressure on his neck is good enough at least.   
Bucking his hips to meet Kiyoharu's enough to keep the feeling while it lasts.   
However, it doesn't take long before Ruki can feel Kiyoharu start to weaken as his legs struggle to keep himself up barely trudging though his lazy pace.

"Just let me on top, won't you like that?" 

Ruki tries in his sweetest voice, but it doesn't matter. Kiyoharu removes his hand completely to turn Ruki's head to the side, leaning down to bite and suck at his neck hoping to leave a mark. 

"Please.." Ruki purrs again filled with honey, turning his head to nip at Kiyoharu's lips and lace his hands in sweat glazed locks, he draws him in, luring the older singer into his own pace.

For a while Kiyoharu lets Ruki be as he explores Rukis body caressing his thighs and pulling him up to get a handful of his ass.   
Slowly Ruki creeps his hand down to his own cock giving it a lazy stroke, edging himself closer to a familiar heat.   
He tries to be discreet as possible, as he increases his pace letting wanton moans escape him, and in the small space between kisses Ruki croons again, 

"I'll make you-" 

He swallows his words as Kiyoharu pulls out of the kiss and forces Ruki's head aside, his force clearer than before. Pulling Ruki's hand away from his cock and pinning it next to his head he scoffs, 

"Why are you touching yourself?" 

Leaning in to drag kisses along Ruki's neck up to his ear Ruki fights off the flinch from Kiyoharu's voice in his ear, 

"Don't you dare be in such a damn hurry"   
   
Propping himself up on Ruki's hips Kiyoharu resumes his lulling pace as he shoves Ruki's face into the mattress.   
Ruki can feel his agitation in his thrust. Even though he says not to be in a hurry there's no tact here, nothing here is for his pleasure. Eventually Kiyoharu hisses,

"Enough already!"

Pulling out of him, Kiyoharu moves to the foot of the bed. As soon as he's steady on the floor, he pulls Ruki by his legs to meet him there. 

"Get on your knees." 

Stifling a sigh Ruki does as he's told and forces a moan as Kiyoharu pushes back into him without a thought.  
Both of them are equally raw and dry spare the slickness of sweat, but that's not helping the pain. Ruki burrows his face and hands into the sheets piling a good amount of them closer to him for comfort.    
Surely, the older man should know this is no good, but Ruki knows he doesn't care and endures it as Kiyoharu pounds away to his own pleasure. Ruki tries to let his mind slip away into it.

He's a good faker. 

He moans the "faster" Kiyoharu goes, and each time he pulls harshly at Rukis hair to force his head from his nest of sheets. 

All the "Yes"es in the world wouldn't be enough to fill this man's ego.   
Ruki's knees tremble from being stationary. 

He wants to spit. He's tired of tasting his own lipstick on Kiyoharu's fingers. Like a mantra Ruki swears if he sticks them in his mouth one more time he's going to bite them off.  
Ruki can tell that Kiyoharu is close whenever he starts whispering sweet nothings and moans his loudest in Ruki's ears.   
Kiyoharu gets erratic, until he finally spills inside of Ruki.   
Breathless, Kiyoharu pulls out, and Ruki curls away to let Kiyoharu hit the bed refusing to let himself get trapped. 

The heat fades fast. 

Ruki lies there in silence while Kiyoharu gets his final touches before he's completely out. He grips at Ruki's ass and pulls him into harsh kisses, with the nerve to praise himself, while Ruki was, as always, 

_**"His good little fuck"** _

That's always the goal. Nothing else. 

When Kiyoharu's breath evens out into sleep Ruki moves Kiyoharu's limp arm from around his waist.   
As he stands he can feel his parting gift leak down his thighs, and he carelessly wipes it off on the sheets. 

Grabbing a cigarette and lighter from the nightstand Ruki moves to rest in front of the window. Light snow has begun covering the street, and the light of the moon catches on the small traces of sequin on his shirt, making them shine briefly, mimicking the snow. 

Flicking the lighter to life, the sound seemed to echo in the silent room. Ruki leaves the flame to burn as it grazes the outlines of his delicate hands, showcasing their shadow on the windows' glass as he holds the cigarette to his slightly swollen lips.

Cold and disgusted, Ruki opens his legs and slowly he drags at his cigarette, lazily turning his head towards the window to focus on the snow outside until the droplets become a haze, until he feels warm, until he has to forsake his cigarette and bite his lip to hold in the sounds of real pleasure. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuck in a relationship with no passion...well Ruki definitely could do better right? 
> 
> It's been awhile since my last update right...I'm so sorry for that, but I hope this chapter more than makes up for it xD I plan to have the next chapter up sooner than this one came along hopefully, so I hope that you stick around for the ride~

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I'm mostly a lurker when it comes to fics haha. However, I'm constantly starving for Reituki so I decided to try my hand at writing again after so many years of neglect. I hope you can find some enjoyment in this!~


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